Sep 3 2011
Celebrating Divorce

I bet that 20 years ago few people celebrated the demise of their marriages with parties, t-shirts, or painted car windows. Maybe I’m wrong but I feel like the celebration part of the process is something new. Resources like the Divorce Shower Store haven’t been around for very long after all. I’m sure that formal divorce parties are more popular with divorced ladies than with guys.

A co-worker of mine sent me the picture of this car yesterday. Is this guy really elated to be free or is this form of expression just something he needs to do to help him move on? He is sending a message to someone – maybe his buddies, possibly his ex, or maybe even himself. Divorce can cause a normal person to do some strange things like using their ex-wife’s wedding dress as a jump rope.

I did not throw myself a divorce party and none of my friends threw one for me. My brother and friends did drag me out of my cave for a night out about a week after my ex-wife left. They took me to our local comedy club and then to a bar. I wasn’t driving and it was intended to be a pain relieving outing so I made the most of it. Our time at the bar did turn into a celebration of sorts with a few rounds of shots. Each round was preceded by a chant said by our crew that made it clear to everyone within earshot that I was newly divorced. If nothing else we entertained the bar staff and a lot of fellow bar-goers that night.

I read a story on MSN yesterday about some jeweler who has created a divorce ring complete with broken heart and diamond. It has to be one of the most stupid things I have ever seen. No person is going to buy that ring to gift to their partner while asking for a divorce. And who would want to wear a broken heart ring on their hand as a reminder of their ex? If you are going to wear that ring you might as well keep your wedding pictures up and just draw a line between you and your ex (and possibly give them a silly mustache). I’m all for buying oneself a divorce gift. I took ownership of my space by treating myself to a few things one of which was a grill. Obviously no guy is going to ever wear the broken hear ring, but I can’t imagine any woman would want to either.

Let me know if you did anything special to celebrate your divorce either by commenting here or by dropping me a line at

    8 Responses
    • I have thought long and hard about whether divorce is a time to celebrate or mourn. It is both, and it is neither. It reminds me of that old Zen story in which the old farmer loses a horse and his neighbors say, “How unlucky!” and he says, “Maybe.” And then the horse comes back with a bunch of wild horses and the neighbors say, “How lucky!” and he says, “Maybe.” (And on). The point is that every life event, be it painful or challenging or unwanted, is an opportunity to grow in some way. Big, momentous events in life warrant being noted in some way, whether it’s a solo trip to a beautiful place, or a project to go on a bunch of dates with no outcome in mind (my chosen method) or a blog to catalog the many uses of a dress that used to bring sad memories. Dismissing it as something painful that is best let pass is missing a chance to make it your own. Celebrate away.

    • Amusing response to a difficult situation of a dream gone sour. That woman was a fool for insultingly leaving that dress. Hilarious catharsis and return lob of insults! Hopefully still funny later for the both of you, especially since you’ve gone so public with your feelings. Good luck!

    • Hey, I stayed with it for nearly 21 yrs. though all but 5 were celibate! When I finally had enough, it was my birthday and what a present I gave myself. Out the door went the earliest present given, plummeting down to the ground in a smash. That woman was a fool to insult by leaving the dress… Is the Xmas tree presents the reason? You two are very funny, which hopefully you’ll see more fully when the years go by! Best of luck.

    • HAPPY BOOK RELEASE DAY! I hope that someone’s throwing you a party for THIS occasion, at least. Wishing you much success and happiness ~

    • I can see going out and having a good time with friends (especially if you’ve been all alone) but the ring doesn’t seem like a good idea. The real reason I wanted to comment though is… on a post titled “Celebrating Divorce” the add at the bottom was for engagement rings 🙂

    • Agreed, the ring does sound ridiculous, but then again it is a novelty item.

    • As one who has followed your journey in parallel to my own, I couldn’t agree more with the absurdity of the ring.

      Regarding the notion of a “divorce party”… I’ve had a few buddies express an interest in having something like that for me once everything is said and done (and it’s taking waaaaaaay longer than I expected). But, like yourself, I have daughters, and I simply can’t imagine celebrating the single most tragic event in their life. No matter how much better my life really is right now (and it most certainly is!), I just can’t bring myself to think of this as a happy, joyous occasion. Not when they express such sadness over the tragedy. Not when something so precious to them has died.

      My divorce is a Pyrrhic victory…

    • Stephanie C | Seriou

      Yeah, that sounds generally pretty effed up.

      But then again, I am not divorced, so I can’t really speak from any pool of knowlege or anything. But the ring sounds ridiculous. It’s hanging on to something negative. Who needs that?

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